As we approach Father's Day, I know that I am not alone in experiencing different feelings and emotions. Like myself, many have had complicated relationships with their dads.
There are many who are amazing fathers who have shown selfless love for their families; there are others who have fallen short of fulfilling their vocation. There are many who have great admiration for their fathers; there are others who have more challenging relationships. Regardless of your experience, we must all pray for the men who have been given the great responsibility of being a dad.
This past September, I faced the difficult task of preaching at my own father's funeral. The process of preparing that homily was actually a very healing exercise for me personally. Allow me to share that homily here:
"There are many things I wish were different about my father…
There are many things that I wish I could of changed…
I wish he would of made different decisions in his life
But there is nothing that any of us can do about the behavior of someone else,
certainly not after they have died.
I guess I just wish things were different.
But there is one thing that I would not change,
And that is the opportunity that my father had at the end of his life –
an opportunity to repent, to make amends,
to make peace for the wrong that he did in this life
after all, not everyone gets that opportunity
but I am grateful that he did, eternally grateful.
Think of the people who are taken suddenly,
those who had no chance to say goodbye, to say I love you, to say I’m sorry…
My father was told in early August that he had less than a year to live.
Ultimately, he only had about 6 weeks to prepare for his death…
but that was enough time –
it gave him the opportunity to think about his life and to make the final preparations before passing from this life into the next.
Today my father stands before God, before Jesus Christ
the Just Judge and our Merciful savior
today he will have to give an account for all that he did in this life,
the good and the bad, and so
regardless of whatever thoughts we might have about my father
we are reminded that,
Jesus Christ, and Jesus Christ ALONE is his judge-
A reality that I have had to remind myself, more than once.
Today we gather here in faith and hope,
And we beg the Lord to show mercy to Robert
That the Lord might have mercy on his soul
And forgive the sins that he committed in this life.
I chose the Gospel that we just heard for a very particular reason.
It is the story of the Crucifixion of Jesus Christ.
He is innocent, but condemned to death
He accepts death willingly and freely
He does so to accept the punishment that each of us deserve for our sins
Jesus Christ stands in our place - the innocent for the guilty.
And as he is there hanging on the cross, our Lord Jesus Christ, the Son of God,
speaks some of his most powerful words:
In particular, I would like to focus on the conversation that Jesus had
with the two men that he is crucified with,
Two horrible criminals, thieves and murderers,
people who deserved the punishment that they were given.
Neither were religious people, they were worldly people,
men who thought only of the things of this world, of their own needs and desires,
One mocks Jesus – he says, if you are the Son of God, save yourself and us.
Even in the last moments of his life, he has no regard or respect for God, just himself.
The other criminal, Dismis, referred to by history as the “good thief”
seems to have a moment of conversion and repentance, he says,
“Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.”
And we see the loving mercy of God shown to someone,
who one could argue, did not deserve it – Jesus says,
“today you will be with me in paradise.”
Jesus sees his repentant heart, and grants him forgiveness of his sins.
The good thief “stole heaven.”
He lived a horrible sinful life, but at the last moment he repents and asks for mercy, and he is given it.
To my dear family and friends,
this story says more about Jesus Christ, than it does about the good thief,
and today’s funeral mass says more Jesus Christ than it does about my father.
I truly don’t know what was on my father’s heart,
I don’t know about the conversations that he had with our Lord before he died…
I don’t know about any of the conversations that he had with people before he died,
but I do know that before he died,
my father was able to ask for forgiveness and make peace
with my mother, my brother and myself.
A few days before he died, I was sitting alone with him and he asked,
“Do you think that hell really exists?”
I knew what he was getting at,
and there clearly could have been the temptation to say something more consoling
or to change the subject, but in that moment,
as both a son and a priest,
I had to give the painful but honest answer,
“Yes, dad, hell does exist.”
The answer clearly frightened him… and he laid their weeping,
but after allowing that reality to sink in for a few moments,
searching and praying for the right words to say,
I followed it by reminding him that he still had time to repent, like the good thief.
I asked if he wanted me to get him a priest to hear his confession.
To my surprise, and to be quite honest, to my discomfort,
he said, you’re a priest, please hear my confession.
At that moment, I recalled the day, back in 1999,
when I heard a homily during my first semester of college
that challenged us to pray earnestly for the conversion
of those who are away from Christ and his Church.
Every day, for the last 20 years, almost to the day,
I have prayed for my father’s conversion, that he would come to Jesus.
20 long years of praying for his conversion,
many times wanting to give up because it seemed so hopeless and impossible.
Being able to hear my father’s first confession in over 40 years
and to absolve my father from his sins,
was one of the most beautiful moments of my priesthood.
Before he died, he was able to receive Holy Communion,
to receive the anointing and the apostolic pardon.
He might not have become a devout practicing catholic as I had hoped and prayed,
but he did meet God with a clear conscience.
Never doubt the power of prayer,
and never give up on praying for those who are away from the Lord.
There are many things I would have changed about my father’s life,
but the one thing I would not have changed was that
the Lord Jesus gave him this opportunity to “steal heaven.”
We trust that the Lord is merciful,
but we also know that hell is real, that heaven is not a given,
as we are so often lead to believe,
and so I make an appeal to you to continue to pray for the soul of my father.
The greatest thing that can be done for him, and for me and my family, is to pray for his soul.
Today at the end of his life, his family brings him to the Church for the very last time,
and we do so, I hope with profound faith, that Jesus Christ is a loving and merciful savior.
Today, as his family, regardless of any feelings, emotions, and hurts that we may have,
and as justifiable as they are, let us pray the words of the good thief on my father’s behalf – Jesus, remember Robert when you come into your kingdom!"
Happy Father's Day Dad!
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